A story only God could write.

A story only God could write.

Photos captured by the fabulous Kate Phelps Photography

In July, as Ben and I were grieving the loss of our third baby, I cried out to God to give me a sign that He would fulfill the deepest desires of my heart, and grant me motherhood. His voice was clear that day as He whispered the word “adoption” into our hearts, and we confidently pursued the path that he had perfectly laid before us. Ben didn’t want to try again, and I respected that. He couldn’t bear to see me hurt that deeply again, and he couldn’t imagine losing another child. For us, that door had simply closed, and that was ok. I vividly remember saying “God has closed the door for us to have biological babies, but He has opened the door for us to pursue adoption, and we couldn’t be more excited!” 

I can hear God laughing now. 

Rewind to July 16, 2020. Just 6 days after I was hospitalized for our third miscarriage. Ben and I were ready for something to change, and quite frankly, sick and tired of waiting. We jumped feet first into the adoption process, and God not only blessed it, He flung the door wide open and showered us with love and support from near and far! In just 2 weeks, we had orchestrated two hugely successful fundraisers, submitted our application to Faithful Adoption Consultants, and were fervently praying for the baby that was growing in our hearts. 

Little did we know; a baby was growing in my womb as well.

I used to think that people who “accidentally” conceived were a figment of the imagination. I mean, when you’re trying for a baby, you’re a crazy person. Your days are filled with ovulation strips, basal body temperature checks, fertility smoothies, conception yoga. Trust me, I have done ALL the things. The two-week wait is excruciating, and if you’re anything like me, you should consider buying stock in early detection pregnancy tests! So, you can imagine the day I just “didn’t feel quite right” and took the very last pregnancy test tucked in my bathroom drawer, was the day that God completely blew my socks off! 

On August 10, 2020, exactly one month after we said goodbye to our third baby and “called it quits,” I looked down in utter disbelief at two pink lines and dropped to my knees. 

It was all happening so fast, yet in slow motion. God was blessing me times two? How could this be? The first trimester of my biological pregnancy was also the first rounds of adoption background checks, agency applications, home study visits, and grant writing. My hands cramped from filling out mounds of paperwork as my body did the same, making space for the new little one inside. 

Telling Ben that we were adopting AND expecting was as magical as seeing him for the first time walking down the aisle. To say that we were shocked and slightly scared would be an understatement! Yes, we hoped for two babies, we wanted two babies, we already loved our two babies more than life itself, but given my track record, we were terrified to face devastation again. One thing was for sure, Ben and I never for a second doubted that this journey was the exact one God called us to pursue. Finding out I was pregnant was just the icing on the cake! Our hearts still desired to grow our family through adoption, we were now just grateful for the two separate gifts that God bestowed upon us to build our family.

Keeping this pregnancy a secret thus far has been the sweetest time of worship and healing for us. 5 solid months where all Ben and I could do was try to fathom God’s love and faithfulness to us. His ways are better than anything that we could ever imagined, and the story of our road to parenthood will be a glorious unfolding of His love. He never left our side, and the blessings He was preparing for us were greater than anything we could have ever imagined. 

So here I am, still vomiting well into my second trimester and injecting myself twice daily with blood thinners, yet feeling so incredibly thankful for the opportunity to be a mom. My biological son and my child through adoption are both intensely loved, and have been from the moment God placed them in our hearts.  Their value stems from their very existence, not their biological roots. My love for them is no different at all, because they were both perfectly chosen to be mine. 

Our celebration of God’s faithfulness to us does not go without acknowledging the pain and heartache that so many of you are experiencing in your time of loss and waiting. We know that pain, and we weep with you and pray for you as you patiently wait for God to grant you your miracle. Thankfully, because of Jesus’ resurrection, God is the one who has the final word, not us. The promise that you are waiting for may not have come at the time you so desperately wanted it to, but that promise is still going to come. Christ died so that death and grief and heartache don’t get the final word, He does. Cling to Him, because He will cling to you, and come through for you! When your circumstances make you feel like God has forgotten you or abandoned you, remember that God does His work in His time.

Love to you, 

Mary Alexia