Sustained by the Shepherd

                                      2020 Top Nine     Instagram’s infamous highlight recap of the “top nine” moments of your previous year is a post-Christmas treat that all social media fans await. As my “top nine” generated, the spinning wheel before me caused my mind to spin as well, flashing back to all that 2020 was, and all that it wasn’t. The good, the bad, the grief, the gratitude, the heartbreak, and the hope. What I wasn’t expecting when my “top nine” flashed upon the screen was to see so many highlight photos sandwiched between so many heartbreaks. 2020 started off with a bang! A fresh new start and a sweet baby boy on the way. We announced to the world the joyous news of our long-awaited pregnancy on January 17, 2020, only to say goodbye to that sweet miracle two weeks later. I took some much-needed time away from social media from the day we lost our son until the end of May, when Ben and I celebrated our 6 th year of marriage in our beloved pop-up camper at the lake. Th

A story only God could write. Photos captured by the fabulous Kate Phelps Photography In July, as Ben and I were grieving the loss of our third baby, I cried out to God to give me a sign that He would fulfill the deepest desires of my heart, and grant me motherhood. His voice was clear that day as He whispered the word “adoption” into our hearts, and we confidently pursued the path that he had perfectly laid before us. Ben didn’t want to try again, and I respected that. He couldn’t bear to see me hurt that deeply again, and he couldn’t imagine losing another child. For us, that door had simply closed, and that was ok. I vividly remember saying “God has closed the door for us to have biological babies, but He has opened the door for us to pursue adoption, and we couldn’t be more excited!”  I can hear God laughing now.  Rewind to July 16, 2020. Just 6 days after I was hospitalized for our third miscarriage. Ben and I were ready for something to change, and quite frankly, sick and tired o